Back in the blogging saddle

So we have a African American President.  I must say that I'm more surprised than I thought.  But honestly, I think that most people went about their voting color-blind, voting their political beliefs, and then we all blinked and it turned out that we'd elected a symbol.  Hard to believe that 40-50 years ago it was difficult for African Americans to even vote, isn't it?  Having Obama as the president-elect makes me hopeful in many ways, perhaps the least of which is the obvious economic/political way.  But there is also some fear... he's so young and inexperienced to be president. And I hope that the color of his skin doesn't make him a more popular target for the looneys out there.  His children are really cute. 

And that's all I have to say about that.  

Daddy Mushroom and I decided to send the oldest to public school this year.  Big mistake, I think.  He's bored, he's not learning basically anything, and to top it off, he gets in trouble for talking when he's not supposed too.  I think that comes from the stricter 'discipline' of a traditional classroom when what he's used to is the looser Montessori classroom.  I'm so angry with the school system, his teacher, the school guidance counselor.  He's ready for multiplication, he gets single-digit addition.  He's ready for chapter books, he gets 'See Jane Run' .  Dad and I have done more to advance his knowledge than his teacher has.  We've talked to his teacher, emailed his teacher... nothing.  Of course she has 25 other 6 year-olds who can barely read, write, or add to worry about, and I didn't expect much there; she's over-worked as it is.  So I asked the guidance counselor to suggest our course of action.  We talked once on the phone about 3 weeks ago, and the only thing we got was an 'advanced reader' folder with one extra book a week for us to 'help' him read (he doesn't need help, it's still too easy).  I'm about to explode.  It's not that I'm saying that K is a genius.  He's just about a full grade level above what he's being asked to do, and I want him to be challenged, not bored and depressed.  But no one seems to care.  He's above level, which means that he won't count against them at testing time... and I guess that's all that matters.  It's utterly ridiculous that to get a decent education in this state you have to spend $15,000 a year to send your child to private school, and that is pretty much the only option.  Which means $45,000 for all three mushroom babies... and there goes pretty much my whole salary. sigh.  

My life as a nurse... the ongoing saga

First things first... here's the latest cute picture I have to share of my precious mushroom boys.

I'm in a funk lately, and I don't know exactly why.  Although I frequently make pessimistic statements sometimes, I really haven't been a pessimist since I left high school and all it's angst behind.  I know I'm tired almost all the time now.  I'm sure that's a side-effect of hard work and too much stress.  Often on my days off I sleep just about around the clock, when I used to try to get household chores done, catch up on reading for fun, knit, and just generally do whatever relaxing thing I could think of doing.  I hate that I sleep so much.  I have so many things I want to accomplish on my days off.  (Like blogging... though at this point I'm sure no one reads this but me)

I suppose I had unrealistic expectations for life as a nurse.  Of course the (much) larger paycheck is making life financially easier.  It seems that Money really is not the only thing.  (Although I am happy to report that I have a new beautiful oven, new countertops, a new sink, and now the L-man is putting up new siding, and has already installed a new custom mahogany front door.  So, even though the house is definitely no bigger, it is looking nicer all the time.  Oh! and about 70% of our debt is paid off too.  So that's all very nice... and all within the first year of my new employment.  

I think I just have to take a further degree of separation from my job.  Mentally and emotionally that is.  But given that nursing is an intensive mental and emotional job, that may not be possible.  My positive well-being is very closely linked to my ability to get my patients through the night.  I find myself actually praying for my patients, and I don't even know who I'm praying to., or what I'm praying for.  Sometimes, with some patients, it's hard to say whether living or dying would be the greatest blessing.  Especially in my particular specialty.  

What's peculiar about nursing is that while we are in the business of caring, there is a certain emotional detachment that we seem to cultivate, to insulate ourselves from the humanity of our patients and their families.  We care... but only just so much, and only while the family stays within their ordained boundaries.  When the family actually does what a good, caring, and reasonably intelligent family should do, and questions the appropriateness of the care we provide we medical professionals get very irate.  It's funny to see sometimes, from an outside perspective just how offended we all get when we are questioned by family.  I say we, because I do it too.  We all want our patients to just do exactly as we tell them to, and never question.  

I suppose I'm going into all that because I have a patient right now, and a family that are from a different culture.  And none of the nurse on my unit can deal with the family, because to them it's too foreign, too strange. They don't understand that it is just a wife and an extended family, very worried about a good man who is at death's door, and they don't know why.  I seem to be the only one who can deal with the family of this man.  Thank you mother, for raising me to be more accepting and more culturally aware than the average person.  

Well, that's enough for one post.  

Limping into the 21st century

According to my sister, I'm now much closer to being cool... I've joined Facebook. I'm still trying to sort out what all this is about. I've found some old friends there, and that's nice. I'm definitely enjoying being able to reconnect with people I haven't talked to in so long.

It gives me a sense of perspective. Life has continued for all these people, even though I haven't been there. Which is not to say that I think I'm not important, just that I take myself too seriously sometimes. In my own world, I am the center of the universe. My family enables me. I get my way a lot. In their words (and my own) I am a princess. I don't like things to be too difficult. Which is not to say that I don't fight for what's important, just that I keep it to a minimum at all costs. So, in my normal center-of-all-things attitude, I forget that my friends have continued on in their lives, falling in and out of love, moving around, having children, in other words living, even though I am not there. I suppose it happens to everyone to some extent, we can only concentrate on some many things at once... something/someone ends up on the shelf.

So welcome to reality, princess!

Also, it's been a few posts since I added some pictures. So here they are:

I don't have a baby anymore! He's very much an independent toddler.


They are phasing me out... don't need my help pushing on the swings, going down slides... I can just sit back and watch, and take lots of cute pictures.

not so whiny today

I guess that in my last post I was so busy being self-indulgent that I forgot to mention the important fact that I did in fact graduate, with honors, and successfully passed the horrid, dreaded NCLEX (nursing licensing exam). I am an real nurse at last. And I'm really sure that I've found my calling. It's that ever-elusive dream of 'what-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up' finally in my grasp. I don't think that I want to do exactly this aspect of nursing forever... but there are so many exciting areas to explore.

Right now, I work in the burn unit, an admittedly challenging, not-for-everyone place to be. We take everyone at my hospital, insured and uninsured, and give them exactly the same treatment (this of course, is why I chose to work at the hospital that pays the least... a philanthropist at heart--and the experience is better, educationally). And let me tell you, treatment for burns is *hugely* expensive. Between the dressings, the antibiotics and other medications, and the surgeries, we are talking tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars. The patients are difficult: the meth-lab explosions, the abused, the elderly... and the stupid (Darwin awards could be handed out regularly). Of course what everyone always thinks of are the wounds... the oozing, gory, yucky wounds covering huge portions of the patient's body. I still love it. It's a niche... and it's mine.

But I'd also like to try flight nursing. (For the uninitiated, it's the nurses who fly in helicopters to the scene of the accidents, extract, stabilize and transport the patients back to the hospitals.) Apparently I'm a bit of an adrenaline-junkie.

Then when I'm a bit older, I'd like to go back to school, get a master's degree and work as a nurse anesthetist. (They make the big bucks.) And finally, I'd like to return to school again for a PhD so that I can teach the next generation of nurses.

It's nice to have goals.

not very good at this

I'm trying to get back into the groove of my life. It seems that I am more than a little out of practice. One year of non-stop, high stress, nothing-but-me-and-the-schoolbooks, and I've forgotten how to be a good mother, a considerate wife... even a decent friend. When I get home, all I want to do is hide in my room and let someone else be parent. I want to go out party and be selfish, but I know that I have to be responsible and pay off the disgustingly large debts I racked up over the past several years of living outside our means. Now that both daddy mushroom and I make reasonable amounts of money for our family size, we should be looking forward to 'the good life', a bigger house, a nicer car... and so on. Instead, we remaining scraping by, borrowing more money from my parents so we can pay off the increasingly demanding creditors, and then pay my parents back.

And clearly I'm wallowing in self-pity tonight.

I think what's actually deep-down bothering me is that I don't have any geographically and emotionally close friends. (My emotionally close friend is very far away, and I never see her... though at least we speak on the phone fairly regularly). I have many acquaintances that I have to badger and harass to get to hang out with me. And then there are the admiring young men who want me to come make them look good at clubs... but that's too depressing to even think about. My poor clinically depressed sister, sometimes she'll hang out with me, but then I usually have to endure the in-law as well.

Oh my, I'm full of whine tonight.

So, my new project is to be more likable, and find people who appreciate me and my particular brand of craziness.

Oh, and to post more often. Even though I know that only about three people actually read this anymore, it makes me feel better just getting it out. I suppose that's the point. Airing my dirty secrets, I suppose.

'Til next time.

I'm back!

and better than ever? I don't know about that, but I *am* more educated than ever. Nursing school is over! Hooray! I must say it has been the longest, most stressful, and yet most rewarding year ever. Even though I say it was the longest, it really flew by, in retrospect. I have not yet taken the NCLEX (that's the nurse licensing exam, for you uninitiated out there), so I'm still not a 'real' nurse... just a 'graduate nurse' or extern. But still, it's a big step! My boys are happy that mommy doesn't have to study all the time anymore. For that matter, so am I!

So here's a little picture of the little mushrooms... getting very big actually. We've actually had to start giving the biggest little mushroom his own allowance... he keeps asking for every toy he sees, and the "mommy has no money for that" excuse isn't cutting it. It's time he learns how many days you have to save if you only get $7 a week and you want a Playstation 3. :)

And that's all I have to say for today!