not very good at this

I'm trying to get back into the groove of my life. It seems that I am more than a little out of practice. One year of non-stop, high stress, nothing-but-me-and-the-schoolbooks, and I've forgotten how to be a good mother, a considerate wife... even a decent friend. When I get home, all I want to do is hide in my room and let someone else be parent. I want to go out party and be selfish, but I know that I have to be responsible and pay off the disgustingly large debts I racked up over the past several years of living outside our means. Now that both daddy mushroom and I make reasonable amounts of money for our family size, we should be looking forward to 'the good life', a bigger house, a nicer car... and so on. Instead, we remaining scraping by, borrowing more money from my parents so we can pay off the increasingly demanding creditors, and then pay my parents back.

And clearly I'm wallowing in self-pity tonight.

I think what's actually deep-down bothering me is that I don't have any geographically and emotionally close friends. (My emotionally close friend is very far away, and I never see her... though at least we speak on the phone fairly regularly). I have many acquaintances that I have to badger and harass to get to hang out with me. And then there are the admiring young men who want me to come make them look good at clubs... but that's too depressing to even think about. My poor clinically depressed sister, sometimes she'll hang out with me, but then I usually have to endure the in-law as well.

Oh my, I'm full of whine tonight.

So, my new project is to be more likable, and find people who appreciate me and my particular brand of craziness.

Oh, and to post more often. Even though I know that only about three people actually read this anymore, it makes me feel better just getting it out. I suppose that's the point. Airing my dirty secrets, I suppose.

'Til next time.