Committed... and More Nervous Than Ever

Today I bought my plane tickets to New York City. For the Marathon. Not that I wasn't committed to this before - I signed the contract with the National Stroke Association for the spot on the marathon team. I've put out posters at Black Forest Auto, R&R Coffee, and my favorite LYS (local yarn store) Table Rock Llamas. I've been pushing, posting, talking, designing, and writing. And now I've got my plane tickets. It's real. I'm going.

My training is derailed on a weekly basis by sick kids, early or late meetings, family events... the list goes on. The last two weeks I've managed about 20 miles - which is nowhere near enough. I missed another planned run today, with the (internal) promise to double up tomorrow. I'll have time in the morning. This week should be a 34+ mile week. That's a big jump in mileage, but I'm running strong, and I think that I have still got time to pull it off. I'm going to try to get some shorter, speed work runs next week. I feel like I can push my pace up to closer to 10:30 minutes/mile if I work at it. I'm not going to get all crazy and hope for 10 minute miles. Slow and steady is my pace.

The race is just less than 10 weeks away.

In other news, tomorrow evening I'm having a 'daddy & me' date. We're going to see Sara Bareilles and One Republic play at Red Rocks. I absolutely love Sara's new album, particularly the song 'Brave', which always makes me think of all the things I want to accomplish in life - and that I should reach out and grab them. Like running in the New York City Marathon. I would never have gotten the chance if I hadn't spoken up and asked.

So here's to speaking your mind and seizing opportunities! And now I must sleep - because I'm running a half marathon in the morning. Visit my fundraising page and help me raise money for the National Stroke Association.

Wasn't Going to Write Tonight

Two things changed my mind. The first was an excellent article about Retreat and Refresh Stroke Camp, that my oldest son and I volunteered at a few weeks ago. Reading about camp reminded me again how much I loved working with the stroke survivors and their caregivers, and how much the smallest actions can sometimes have the biggest impact. It wasn't a big deal for me to bring my son and 'give up' a weekend. I had as much fun as anyone else there - I never felt like it was work. But the very fact that I brought a plate of food from the buffet for a survivor so their spouse didn't have to do it for once, such a small act for me - meant so much for the caregivers who never otherwise get to just eat without first serving their loved one. And the best reward for me was to see the smiles light up the faces of the caregivers and survivors alike. There were plenty of tears that weekend too - but for the most part they were tears of relief that other people understood, tears of laughter at jokes that may only mean something to people who have been through the destructive hurricane of stroke, tears of joy at finding a new skill, re-learning a lost ability, or learning that perhaps something might not be unattainable after all. I loved that weekend. And what made it even better was that I was able to share it with my son, whom I hope will take at least a piece of the love and strength in the face of adversity that we witnessed that weekend with him for the rest of his life.

The other reason (or sort of two, closely linked reasons) that I changed my mind and decided to write is that a) I've become addicted to the stats page that tells me how many people have visited my blog, and b) I really can't let a day go by without plugging my marathon training/fundraising endeavor. If you're reading (and I know you are, I've been watching you) and you haven't given a donation yet Please Please visit my page HERE and give - even $10 makes a difference. I had a good run today, 10 miles at a steady 11 minute/mile pace and I'n feeling strong and ready for this weekend's long run - 16 miles I think. And tomorrow I'm going to go with some beautiful new posters and try to get even more local businesses to let me put out collection jars.

Which reminds me! I owe a big thanks to MaryBeth and her precious baby Abby, who donated in the last few days. And to Eric at Black Forest Auto and Ryan at R&R Coffee, which were honestly two of my favorite shops in Black Forest to begin with - big Thank You's as well because they already agreed to help me raise money before I even had a good plan of what I was asking for! I will feature them more in future posts.  For now I will say that my car is always in perfect running condition now that Eric's guys take care of it. And R&R is hands down my favorite place to hang out and drink delicious coffee and pig out on fantastic homemade pastries, and sandwiches, and omelets, and pancakes, and... well, everything they serve is delightful  - when I have the luxury of such things like time on my hands with nothing else planned, suffice it to say, it is not often enough.

And now I must sign off again, because tomorrow starts far too soon.

My Feet Aren't Ugly Enough

It's a badge of honor among long distance runners to have lost toenails, blister scars, and generally ugly, messed up feet. I don't. I've never lost a toenail. One man I read about even went so far as to have his toenails surgically removed, they fell off so often. It's not as if I want that. I'm happy that my feet are still cute enough for my sandals. But I do wonder in an odd moment if this means that I'm somehow not a 'real' runner. This fall will tell. I've got two marathons two weeks apart. That might do it.

Today was a lovely, lazy day. In the morning I did some moderately strenuous gardening/weeding, and managed to get a bit too much sun exposure. I have a lovely reddish half moon on my lower back where my shirt and shorts gapped (well above the plumber's crack area, thank goodness - what must the neighbors think?). Then I napped. I love naps. Almost as much as I love running. My mother took my older three boys swimming while the youngest (and I) napped. Thank goodness for my mother.

My run this evening was lovely as well. Another eight miles, with an average of less than 11 minutes/mile - a good sign, since I would like to maintain about a 11 minute/mile pace for the marathon. I remember thinking as I began that I wasn't going to have it in me to push much. In the first mile, a neighbor was out driving a very old car - like antique, maybe from the 1920's or could have been earlier. I don't know anything about cars. But I smiled to myself, thinking "that's a pretty cool car, and really old, but my method of transportation tonight is much older than that."  Then I turned the corner and hit 'the hill' - the one that usually makes me want to curl up in a panting, sweaty ball at the top. But tonight I thought "did someone flatten this hill?" I felt like I was flying up, and sure enough, Map My Run says it was a PR time on that hill. I felt so strong. That's when I started thinking about the stroke survivors that I know. For the next three miles, every step had a name. Those were the fastest miles I ran. Because I felt that if I'm going to represent people so strong that they not only survive, they thrive - they reach out to help others experiencing what they have... well I better fight a little harder myself. Because I'm a lucky one. I'm healthy. My kids are healthy. I have three grandparents, both parents, a husband, a good job, a beautiful home. The challenges in my life are ones that I pick. So I better work a little harder. And make my feet a little uglier.

Support my cause at: My National Stroke Association Fundraising site. I run for stroke awareness.  I run for stroke prevention. I may run slowly, I may not have ugly feet; but I am a runner, and I am going to New York City for all the stroke survivors I know who can't run, but whose spirits soar.

I think I've said this before

... Like every day. I am constantly complaining about how many things I want to accomplish and how  I always seem to run out of time. I have probably about 50 lucid minutes left to me before my mind turns to mush and I fall asleep. Really I should already be asleep. But I want to write. I have a book from the library (actually 3) that is begging to be read. I have a knitting project on the needles, calling to my fingers to work on, and my next project (ice skating boot covers) to look up. I haven't worked on my book all week. There is (still) laundry at the end of my bed that needs folding.

But it's quiet in the house right now. Daddy has gone down to his 'man cave' to work on his current project - a desk for the older boy. The boys are all in bed, and if they are awake I can't hear them from my room. It's likely they are already asleep. It's been a busy week, with the first day of school on Wednesday I'm sure they are worn out. I take these quiet moments when I can find them. In a house with four boys between the ages of eleven and three, times of quiet are... well... priceless.

There's a gentle wind soughing at my bedroom window. The old dog is snoring beside the bed, and my favorite cat is curled up across my calves. I can feel all the tension and anxiety of the day lifting, almost like it's rising off my body like heat waves off a sun-baked pavement. I can't go to sleep now. I have to cherish this moment.

I postponed that 8 mile run I was talking about yesterday. I had to put in 10 hours at the office, plus a stop at the grocery store on the way home, and my day is all gone. Tomorrow I will run. Sunday I will run 14 miles. I am eager for that post-long-run euphoria, that weary-yet-satisfied to the core feeling of having done something undeniably good. My runs are 'me time'. Time to unravel all the knots tied around my heart: from being a mom of four boys with whom I don't spend enough time, from being a nurse who no longer stands at the bedside, from being an imperfect and often ungrateful daughter, from being me - every day struggling to keep moving, keep fighting, keep busy, find my happy place. It's hard to get out of bed some days. I'm fighting an endless exhaustion for which I have no physical reason. I try not to feel sorry for myself. It doesn't help - just makes me feel even more tired. My life is good. I've also begun to notice this slightly destructive pattern that when I'm feeling most tired and 'blue', I tend to add on another activity; horseback riding, ice skating, another race for  which to train - and it's a vicious cycle because then of course I feel worse when I can't accomplish all the goals I put in front of myself. Or should I call them obstacles?

Since I fell asleep once already with my fingers on the keyboard, I will sign off now. Tomorrow is another day, with another twenty million things to do...

Multitasking - Meaning I'm not accomplishing anything...

It's late, and I'm very tired. And I'm trying to fold laundry while composing a blog post in my head. Like most times I try to multi-task, I'm really not acheiving much of anything. The laundry is staying stubbornly unfolded, and the blog is not writing itself.  I've not managed to learn how to type with my toes yet, nor have I succeeded in growing even one extra arm. Like most mothers and nurses - I will continue to try, as I feel it would be a very useful thing to achieve.

Marathon training continues, although today was a rest day. Yesterday I did some speed work with a speedy (compared to me, anyway) friend. We charged up several hills (felt like about 50), and got a couple of good sprints going - in the spirit of a 'fartlek' <-- favorite="" my="" of="" one="" p="" running="" terms.="">
Tomorrow I think I will be doing about 7-9 miles, though I haven't yet figured out how to fit it in my already very busy day. Although it is rapidly approaching midnight, I think I will have to get up at 5am, drive to work and run from there.  Conveniently I have had my privileges for the fitness center renewed so I can shower.  Truly, there are not enough hours in a single day to work full time, be a mom, train for a marathon, learn to ice skate and play piano... and the other dozen or so things I've committed myself to lately.

Today I started at 6:30 at the skating rink with a 30 minute private lesson and 30 minutes of practice. I felt more than a little goofy, practicing my 'Basic 4" moves while kids half my age are zooming around like the Olympians-in-training that they probably are. Colorado Springs being an Olympic town has both upsides (never an end to amazing, inspiring athletes all around) and downsides (I will never win a single medal unless it's a 'participation' medal). But, I have fun and that's all that matters.

Today I found a blog; here, that I love. It is called Our Stroke of Luck, it is is the blog of a mother whose son had a stroke in utero and nearly died, and it is amazing. And it gives me one more reason to run, one more reason to raise money for National Stroke Association - because by funding research we can learn what causes even unborn children to have strokes, and prevent them from happening.

Now I must sleep... for a few, short, and hopefully deeply satisfying hours. Visit my fundraising page, and help me make a difference!

Seizing the Day

Today I have start my blog with big thank you's to my PaPa Jim and my bestest Angie for their donations to my fundraising effort. I can finally say that I have begun! For anyone who hasn't donated yet, tap that link! I want to go the New York City! But more importantly, I want to support the fight against stroke. 80% of strokes are preventable, and education is the key. The National Stroke Association does amazing work getting the word out about stroke, and providing educational opportunities for medical professionals so that we can provide the best care for our stroke patients.

I am going out to the local businesses today to see if any of them will help me in my fundraising quest. Check back to see who decides to help. They will get major kudos here on my blog, of course.

Yesterday's training run was really good. My training plan called for 7 miles, so of course I did 8 miles. It was actually a mistake. I thought I was taking a 7 mile loop - but I'd forgotten, with all the different loops I do which one is which! So, 8 by mistake. I ran strong with only minor aches in the knees in mile 6 that went away so I could power through the last mile. I felt amazing. I was able to push my pace up the hills, which I think (?) is the right method for training runs - push the hills and get stronger while training - then the hills won't seem so bad on race day, right? I kept a fairly steady pace throughout - about the pace I hope to achieve for the marathon 11:00 -11:30 min/mile. I did speed up on some of my down hill miles - I think I got a 9:45 in there somewhere around mile 3 or 4. I will have to be very careful on race day not to let my pace get as variable as that - but I have some time to work that out.

Today was the first day of school for my three biggest mushrooms. Like every year, I am both very glad that they are going back, and yet a little nostalgic and sad that they are another year older - growing up so fast.

Ah Monday

It was a long weekend. I managed to squeeze in a run, 8 miles - not nearly as long as I wanted, but I ran out of time. Today I was going to try to make up a bit and do a 10 mile-run, but once again I depleted all my daylight hours being at work, then racing home to pick up my 9-year old for our ice skating lesson (yes that's right 'our'), and then a few blissful moments in my garden - picking lettuce and herbs for our dinner.

Tomorrow will be endlessly busy as well but there will be a run built in - I started a group (being creatively challenged, I named it 'Bartlett Runners - Colorado Division, after the fabulous group I left behind in Memphis). I created it to be just like the Bartlett Runners. We meet once a week, run four miles, stick together, encourage each other... well, that's the idea anyway. So far, only three other people have come, and not all at the same time. But I remain hopeful that my group will grow into something approximating the original Bartlett Runners - because those are the people that inspired and encouraged me to become a runner and cheered me through the Memphis-St. Jude Marathon, the inaugural Bourbon Chase, and countless 5ks and 10ks. Even here in my new home, I've continued to be inspired to run new races - the Garden of the Gods 10 miler most recently, and coming up the Bear Chase Trail Run, and the Rock-n-Roll Denver Marathon.

But more exciting than all that is the ING NYC Marathon - not only because I will be going to NYC for the first time ever, but because I will be raising money and spreading the word about a cause I feel very passionately about. Stroke and TIA awareness. Stroke is the 4th leading cause of death in the US - and 80% are PREVENTABLE! Not to mention that stroke is a leading cause of devastating disability, and 80% of those are preventable too. I think of my new friends and acquaintances that live with the sequelae of stroke, and hope that maybe something that I do might save someone from having to live with the disastrous effects of stroke.

I know that right now not a lot of people read my blog. But those who do - I'd like to know if you've ever raised a lot of money as a fundraiser and what did you do? Comment please!

Also: please visit my fundraising page here. The National Stroke Association and I both will appreciate it!

Tired of Being Tired

Another missed opportunity to run today. I came home from work with the intention of running.  I even changed into my running clothes. But inertia reached out and grabbed me. I ended up laying down, got up half-heartedly to help cook dinner (I wasn't very helpful) and then as it happens every night the post-dinner rush to get the kids in bed happened and before I really knew what was going on it was dark outside. And as rural an area I live in, I don't tend to like to start my runs in the dark - finish maybe, but not start. Hard to see the rattlesnakes in the dark... (irrational fear? perhaps...)

Also, I have been reading to my kids every night again. It's one of my favorite times of day. We are reading The Lost Hero, by Rick Riordan which my boys are loving. Even the (nearly) 3 year old will sit still for a few minutes to listen. I do some minor acting, changing my voice for the different characters. It's harder with this book, since I've never read it I can't always tell whether I should be sarcastic or serious or funny or what - but since it's a book full of teenagers, sarcasm is usually a good guess. I have the feeling that for our next book we may end up returning to The Hobbit, a precursor to the months it will take me to read The Lord of the Rings aloud to them. At some point I will have to have them read back to me at bedtime. I hope they will still let me read to them when they are old enough for the stories of Neil Gaiman (Stardust, my favorite, Neverwhere, American Gods, The Ocean at the End of the Lane). Not that they can't handle the language or most of the situations, but I don't really fancy reading them sex scenes at this point... or probably ever.

I have a secret project. As if I need more things to do than raising four boys, working full time as a nurse, training for two marathons (and a half), fundraising for the National Stroke Association, starting running and knitting groups, writing this blog, gardening, ice skating lessons, piano lessons, and sometimes horseback riding lessons. Right. So, I'm also writing A Book. Isn't everyone these days? It's a fantasy - and it's really long already, with no end in sight. I haven't visited my fantasy world in two days, and I miss it. I'm not a disciplined writer. All my favorite authors, when talking about writing, say 'write every day'. Easier said than done, but I try. Even Stephanie Meyers claims she was able to write while distracting her kids with Blue's Clues. (yes, I read and actually did enjoy Twilight - it's far better than a lot of the tripe that followed in her vampire-loving shoes, though I DO understand that is debatable) Too bad my kids are past the Blue's Clues stage. Maybe someday I will finish and share it with the world. Maybe someday some people will read my blog besides just family and close friends. A girl can dream.

So - go check out the National Stroke Association website, and learn some life-saving information about strokes. And check out my donation page, every dollar helps! Meanwhile, I'm going to go write some fiction and fall asleep. Tomorrow, I run!

Baby's growing up now

Tonight I am contemplating the last of my children as he grows up. Papa mushroom and I went to an open house at the preschool up the road. It's Montessori of course - would we seriously consider anything else? And thus begins my youngest child's journey away from babyhood. He'll be in preschool. He turns 3 in about a month. He's basically potty-trained (if you ignore the fact that he runs around half naked as a reminder to him to go to the bathroom). He speaks in very full, complete, sometimes overwhelming sentences. So I like to think that if he is ready, then so am I.

But he's my baby. This puts me in a whole different category of motherhood. I'm so used to being mommy to a child in diapers - soon I will be mom to four school aged boys. Don't even get me started on how the oldest starts middle school next year (actually this year, but because of the way the schools are arranged he still goes to the same building as his younger brothers). In three years I'll have a high school kid on my hands. Phew. Identity crisis coming up.

In other news, I have my official promise sent back to the National Stroke Association - and I've received my invitation from the NYRR (New York Road Runners) for my slot. I am hopeful that I will find the time to set up my fundraising page tomorrow. I have new ideas, so stay tuned.  This blog will be my sounding board for my ideas as I have them, But tonight it is too late, and I am too tired. Sleep is dragging down my eyelids as I type...zzz

I Get By With a Little Help...

Well, I wanted to run today. On my training calender it's a crosstraining day. But I hate crosstraining. I wanted the clarity of the long road. But there were children to be fed, and papa mushroon was home late after a school function - so instead I did some rather half-hearted crunches, leg lifts, pushups, bridges and stretching while the children watched 'Rio'. Tomorrow I have been roped into leading an early meeting - and I've never been much of a morning runner anyway.  I'm thinking of playing hooky for my lunch break and getting in some miles in the middle of the day. This could be my new Thursday plan. (insert evil laugh) Having relinquished my 'real nurse' status for a data abstracting desk job does have some perks. The nine-to-five life isn't so bad after all, when it's flexible enough to fit in a long afternoon run. After years of wondering why anyone would give up the glamorous life of an ICU nurse I finally have my answer. It's for the perks of a flexible day schedule.

I did get some mildly bad news today. My stroke fundraising within the hospital will have to be word of mouth. I cannot publish anything in the hospital newsletter, or have an event or anything. They can't stop me from asking my friends, but I can't put up any advertisements or flyers. I'll just have to work a little harder to reach out in other areas.

On the positive side, a great friend of the family has offered me a place to stay in NYC - and she lives   right by the finish line at Central Park... sweet deal. Another great friend offered to come be my roadie.  I really love my friends.

Today I've been listening to The Civil Wars newest release all day.  It's left me feeling somewhat emotionally drained, in a cathartic way.  I do hope these two amazing artists can reconcile and make more beautiful, raw, emotionally-charged music together. Here's a link to the iTunes album:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-civil-wars/id656406080

Back in the saddle

It's been quite a while since I wrote here.  Life has changed, as it does. I have a new job, my husband has a new job and a new degree, my baby isn't so much a baby anymore, and my oldest will be starting middle school in a week or two. We live in Colorado these days - I'm convinced it's the most beautiful place on earth. But, I haven't been many places.

A lot is the same though. I'm still a nurse. I still run, knit, and love to write. And it is because of a fortuitous  intersection of my career and one of my hobbies (running) that I have swung back into the 'saddle' of blogging.

I work with the stroke program in my hospital. My title is stroke nurse. It's a lovely, nebulous sort of job for which I do a variety of tasks to make sure that people who have strokes get the best treatment available. Two weekends ago I had the immense privilege of volunteering at a Stroke Survivor & Caregivers Retreat. It was amazing, and refreshing for me and the survivors and caregivers equally, I think.

Last week I learned of an opportunity through the National Stroke Association, a great organization, to run in the New York City ING Marathon as part of their fundraising team. I'm not very fast, so I'm not confident I could ever qualify by time - though I am motivated to work on that... but that's a different story. The point is, I applied more or less on a whim, and got a spot to run the Marathon in NYC this year.  It's amazing. I'm ecstatic.

And that's what has me blogging again. I'm training for real for another marathon - no copouts allowed. And I want to get faster while I'm at it. Not to mention I'm on the hook for raising at least $3,000 for the Stroke Association while I'm at it. But that's great because I've really come to realize what a worthy cause stroke prevention, research, and education is. Those inspiring people that I met two weeks ago that live with the effects of stroke deserve everything I can give.

So for at least a while this blog will be the journal of my marathon and fundraising success. Because only success is an option.

Oh! Before I go to sleep, I want to give a shout to @jennamurphymusic with a big congrats for her new (and first) full-length album. She's an artist I discovered on Twitter, and I like what I've heard very much. So check her out! http://blog.jennamurphyofficial.com/post/58162639862/everyone-i-am-so-happy-today-i-have-just